Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
