she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
