dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
