I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This house was built for laser tag.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Are we still banned from the library?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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