you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
