Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
