The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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