I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
