At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
