Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
