Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
