i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
