I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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