we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
