She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You've changed since you got that strap on
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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