This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
