there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
