I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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