Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
