hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
birth control should be required to get into college
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
