I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
