I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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