Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
