haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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