yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Houston, we have a squirter
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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