My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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