Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My bed smells like the plague
Your penis caused this!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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