Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
