well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
