Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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