ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
