My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
