My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
