why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
