How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
