I'm really into asian looking animals
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
