I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
