Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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