Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
