i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
