Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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