just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
not ubering you a puppy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
