ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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