I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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