Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I AM VODKA MAN
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
