Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
