cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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