Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
