a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
