fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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