Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
