the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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