Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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