I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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