You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
