I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
