So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
