my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
