You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
